Life Has A Crush On You

Falling in love with Life one day at a time…

Tag: meditation

I Don’t Know

Can we relax into this phrase? Can we let go of ourselves into the not knowing? Can you embrace it? Love it, dance, swim, indulge in it?

What if this week we lived in the “not knowing” space? What if we were not only honest with others, but with ourselves – I don’t know.

As I read this idea this morning, parts of my body and soul that were secretly clenched instantly released. I realized I was harboring so much tension in my body because I had set up the standard that I should know the Way of my self-expression, my future, my contribution to others.

While it is a challenging journey to begin to understand what you can uniquely contribute to the world, in recognizing your gifts, your talents, your abilities, and wanting to spread them, it may be even harder to not just attempt to map out your contribution, but to remain honest with yourself, that you really have no idea how it’s going to happen.  The truth is that your path is just that – yours. It has never been experienced before. It cannot be predicted. It cannot be copied.  This individualized adventure, your Divine Self Expression, is wholly unique and the only thing you must carry forward on this journey is this mindset of not knowing. With this comes immense trust in Life, superhuman persistence, dogged determination and a gentleness with yourself that isn’t always supported culturally. Not knowing takes you out of the picture and allows the teachers, leaders, guides and others to point the way, lift you up and enter you into a life of awe.

Today, I admit it. I do not know. 

Advertisements

Watching the Waves

There are moments everyday of disappointment. Moments when we catch ourselves plummeting, when we sense loss and tighten up. We brace ourselves for the fall.
I know when these happen, sometimes in the tiniest of moments for me. Someone says something. I hear something from somewhere, I spin into reaction. I try to find a grip. Sometime I grab onto things that give me a false sense if control and steadiness- blaming others, anger, eating, jumping into unplanned action. But I know these are just temporary fixes. Band aids for a wound that might need some time to heal.
But I can sense I am on the right path since I know when these moments come where I loose my footing. I can feel my breath stop. I can feel a mood brewing in my blood, uninvited. I can see my hand reach to stuff down another emotion with something to occupy my mouth. I can see my true self shrink by enlarging the issue before me.
While there are many strategies out there to help us with those moments that surely come up daily my only cure right now is to watch the waves. I set a timer to literally create some space for me, some time where I a not allowed to do anything- talk, eat, even think. I can only breathe. Deeply. Audibly, visibly with my chest rising and falling. This is the secret ocean I carry around with me. Hidden, like an ancient secret cove, these are the waves that smooth the jagged edges of anything in its way. I get the same peace in this time as I do sitting by the shore. I get the same wonder on this edge as I do standing and searching for an ending that doesn’t exist on a vast ocean. And to think, it’s always there. I can choose to always live by the sea. I just have to turn around. I just have to pause to hear it crash on the shore, rhythmically reminding me there are things that came before and things that will outlast. I just have to breathe.

Happy Thoughts

Salted Avocado on Stone Ground Crackers

Committing to projects that thrill you

Staying up late with your thoughts and excitement

The strange feeling of goodbye to a year past

Taking a whole day to get organized at work

The fresh start when you take down your holiday decorations

Finding a great new and applicable app

Always having your favorite pen with you

A beautiful new calendar for a beautiful new year

The Munford and Sons Pandora Station

Being aware of what you can add to any environment – a smile, a happy thought, a blessing

Committing to a tea time everyday

Harnessing the masculine energy of taking big things and making them small

Recognizing the feminine energy of taking small things and making them big

A vase of colored pencils

Doing math

A clean inbox

Not waiting to do something

How everything can be done if its broken into smaller chunks

The Bored List – 20 plus things you can do instead of TV

Dream Boards

Drinking more than enough water every day

Fearlessly claiming what you are about

Making your life more like camp

The things you say to yourself when you first wake up

Listening to your body

Violin solos in songs

Antonio Vivaldi

Pleasant surprises

Getting back into a routine

Feeling joyous with every breath

The bag of resources you always carry around with you – a smile or compliment on your lips, a listening ear, a hug in your arms

The Last of this Year’s Visitors- God

A standard was set tonight for what I would consider an ideal New Year’s Eve. Set out to the yoga ashram just outside of town there was to be a three hour ushering of the new ear and celebration of the last year in the yoga yurt complete with direct intention setting, Kirtan, or sacred chanting, meditation for world peace and a fire ceremony. It sounded sacred. It sounded fun It sounded perfect. Yet Drew didn’t care to go and no matter how perfect an evening we were invited to for me it is a no brainier that it would have been a horrible night without him.
I got my perfect evening, though, and was taught at the perfect moment how God will always come to you.
It began by watching a particular a movie that I rented that opened my eyes and, most importantly my heart, to the pain, the disruptive mess and wars abroad. It was a stark contrast to my life, the safety I take for granted and the innocent bubble I can and do create for myself by not watching the news or reading the papers. Although what I watched was fiction, just the thought that such happens abroad and domestically is enough to shake me awake. I saw and could swim in the millions of blessings I experience on a daily basis. Above all, I saw the need for peace and I prayed a true prayer for peace for all people. I prayed that everyone would be given the freedom, the safety and the love the needed to lead their lives. I prayed that all should be as blessed as I have been.
But this was not to end the evening. God came to my door, not ready for me to settle out the year quite yet. After undressing for the day, stripping off the hundreds of dollars of clothes I had just bought today, a man knocked. We thought it was fireworks at first. But then we heard how it was at our door. Drew answered and it was a man who a few weeks ago came around on a Sunday afternoon asking for work and food. I had given him a fresh loaf of bread and he came back, at 10:30 tonight to see if we had any more to spare. Although we didn’t have bread we gave him some crackers and food we did have. Yet it was a few minutes later that all the pieces came together. I couldn’t help but look at and see the need too that exists in our own town, on our own front porch. There were knocks on the door and on my heart.
There have been a few nights over the past couple of years where I have dreamed of using our resources to help those who need it. I have laid awake in bed running over the details and strategies of allowing homeless people use our backyard, water and firewood. I have written out and thought time and time again of somehow using the small yet powerful skill I have learned of making bread to help others and improve the lives of those who we know and don’t. Yet it wasn’t until tonight that I felt what I dare say was a call. Without a doubt, just as He planned the man to ask for bread, my heart to be awakened and compassionate, He too planted the Divine Thought and connection in my mind. This man came asking for bread. And what did I see? I saw God on my front porch saying, “Yes. It’s time. Make bread. Fill the hungry with food and work. Give what you can and what I am asking of you, so you can become who you are.”
It didn’t take a yurt or chanting or a fire ceremony for me to find God tonight. He came to me. He found me. And this is how I enter the New Year. On my knees. Head to the ground and in awe of the good and the hard, with a prayer asking for strength to carry me and you through the work before us.

Nesting for Christ

There was something off this morning. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I keep on thinking and relating tonight’s Christmas service to going to the hospital. To an actual birth, of an actual child in today’s modern age. But it wasn’t until my meditation that I really understood what was going on. While visions of cleaning the house, and organizing my closet, and finalizing gifts, rushed through my mind, my heart was simply not with it. These to do lists of everything surrounding me were the “nesting” aspects of bringing in a new child to a home. Yet I quickly, oh so very quickly, realized that it was not my home that needed to be prepared – it was me.

I could feel a literal pull from my heart and immediate tears well in my eyes. My deepest desire  was more that  the clutter in my heart that was taking up the space for this new Light be removed and I be connected again. I needed to nest myself, not my home, for this coming Child and all that He promises.

So my tearful prayer is that while I have become off-balance with my devotion and spiritual practices, that I too may be restored. My prayer is that I am made ready for the Joy, the Bliss, the Promise of Christmas. My preparation in this 11th hour is that I may practice self love, which might entail sitting in a messy home, just telling myself “I love you”, despite the bloat from Christmas treats, or the list that is hard to forget that streams through my mind. I ask that I may be ready for the coming Life. I ask that I may be restored to be a clear channel of the coming Joy. I ask that my ego be silenced, and Love pour through my body and seep into my mind in an endless stream. I ask today, that I be made ready and whole for the promise of Life that is coming.

“Today I prepare myself for the Divine in all its glory to come and live within me.”

Distance for Peace

Have you ever had a week that so busy you didn’t know you could do so much? A week where at the end you try to catch your breath after the sprint, to find yourself running, not knowing how to stop. The holidays can do this. End of the year reports and things to complete. Exams. Gifting. Parties. Decorating. Travel. It’s all very wonderful, but it is also all very condensed. I can feel this in my mind. It’s like the space that used to be in there that allowed me to come and visit, play, dance in its expanse had been taken over by a “to do list”. There is nothing wrong with lists. I Love them! But there is something amiss when the list controls me, not me the list. It’s a very fine line of what motivates me. “Having” to do something makes a task, or even the season, taste bitter. Yet pausing. Breathing. Looking at the lights that fill the trees and my life can reset me and you. I realize that the God who designed so perfectly entire universes can put into perfect orbit your life, no matter how many planets you have surrounding you. (A perfect analogy to go replace “juggling”.) Yet we must look closely at God’s design. Integral, yet commonly missed, is a key ingredient in all perfection and nature – from astronomy to quantum physics to one’s cells. They all must have space. Electrons can do their job because they are in a different orbit. The Earth has its seasons and perfect elements for life because of our distance from the sun. So may we all remember at the time of our life and of the year to maintain the distance and honor the holy whose forces keep everything moving and in its place.

Golden Thread

Today I follow the Golden Thread within me and before me. The delicate yet indestructible ribbon that thinly flows from my soul outward. The One Path to follow. The unique Life designed exactly for me. Today I surrender the other choices, which really are no choices at all, that crowd the sidelines of the Thread. I see only the glowing light unravel before me, wrap itself around my heart of hearts and pull me gently into the sphere of love that is our promised perfection. My feet balance as I step onto the Golden Path and my hands wrap around it as I bow down, then somersault my way forward propelled by joy and supported by the invisible field of the Golden Thread that will never let me stumble.

Happy Thoughts

Writing and reading by candlelight

The anticipation of glittery Christmas Parties

Pumpkins as decorations on desks

To do lists on white boards

Always having colored pencils nearby – just in case

Morning Chai Tea

Tall skinny water bottles

Offering someone who is always upset a cup of tea

Growing up

The physical manifestations of our emotional problems

Accepting

Living in clean spaces

Creamy- Creamless Tomato Soup

Morning skyscapes

Listening to your intuition

Doing what has to be done, with a smile

Being fearless when everything is on the line

Parts of life being like a spa

Diving deeper into yourself

Always going the extra mile

Letting go

Holding on

Dreaming big

“One step at a time”

Welcoming winter with blankets and warm drinks

Finding the things you left in your winter coat pocket from last year.

Simple kettlebell exercises

Routines and rituals

The ease of eating out

Being almost there

Imagining two months from now – what will you be occupied with then?

Reverse Warrior

Aligning your heart and your mind.

Using smart phones to their full capacity

 

Face your Dragon

The lesson will continue to come, perhaps in slightly different forms, until you learn it.

Life is no different from some systems we have set up in school. You must learn one thing, and successfully grasp it, before advancing to the next level.

Look at the hardships of your life right now. Is there something similar to them? Is there a staleness and helplessness to them because you feel you have been dealing with it for some time?

Rejoice in this. Give it all your attention in meditation. Sit quietly and bravely approach that which you have yet to deal with. Allow yourself to let go of the resistance you have put up until now, and ask for the answer, ask for the change to happen within you.

I imagine you will be called to do what is the hardest thing you can imagine.

Breathe deeply. Go forward. Life is calling you to greater things.

Slay this dragon that has been challenging you for too long.

Be rid of it forever. Boldly walk up to the problem, committed in your heart, to do what needs to be done, both gently and with force, to learn your lesson and master this phase of your life.