Life Has A Crush On You

Falling in love with Life one day at a time…

Month: December, 2012

Nesting for Christ

There was something off this morning. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I keep on thinking and relating tonight’s Christmas service to going to the hospital. To an actual birth, of an actual child in today’s modern age. But it wasn’t until my meditation that I really understood what was going on. While visions of cleaning the house, and organizing my closet, and finalizing gifts, rushed through my mind, my heart was simply not with it. These to do lists of everything surrounding me were the “nesting” aspects of bringing in a new child to a home. Yet I quickly, oh so very quickly, realized that it was not my home that needed to be prepared – it was me.

I could feel a literal pull from my heart and immediate tears well in my eyes. My deepest desire  was more that  the clutter in my heart that was taking up the space for this new Light be removed and I be connected again. I needed to nest myself, not my home, for this coming Child and all that He promises.

So my tearful prayer is that while I have become off-balance with my devotion and spiritual practices, that I too may be restored. My prayer is that I am made ready for the Joy, the Bliss, the Promise of Christmas. My preparation in this 11th hour is that I may practice self love, which might entail sitting in a messy home, just telling myself “I love you”, despite the bloat from Christmas treats, or the list that is hard to forget that streams through my mind. I ask that I may be ready for the coming Life. I ask that I may be restored to be a clear channel of the coming Joy. I ask that my ego be silenced, and Love pour through my body and seep into my mind in an endless stream. I ask today, that I be made ready and whole for the promise of Life that is coming.

“Today I prepare myself for the Divine in all its glory to come and live within me.”

Joy in Preparations

“Maintaining our joy in the midst of extensive preparations can be a challenge for anyone.”

I read this a moment ago in a beautiful cookbook that was a gift to my cousin and the line struck me. How funny that it is hard to find joy sometimes in preparation. Didn’t we choose to do this? Didn’t we have excitement when we started to plan the party, the day, the meal, the gifts, the event? Where did the joy go? How did it escape? And why? But perhaps the question is more about restoration. After stopping and realizing that the joy is no longer there, can we have a plan to invite it back in? Can we plug the hole that let the joy seep out and begin to be filled up again? I think what we can do is remember that it is ok to be joyous. It’s ok to not stress out. It’s ok to focus, do your best, and let go. It’s ok to be imperfect. It’s ok to stop and see the beauty around you and to find laughter in whatever your situation. All will get done. You have more than enough time. And joy, its there to swim in, even during the 11th hour of preparations.

True Christmas Gifts

I recently heard Cheryl Richardson advise us all on becoming comfortable with “wanting something when we know or understand it’s not our time to have it”. This is a powerful idea. Can we sit and become comfortable with our own wanting?
I think this is pertinent around this holiday season when we are asked what we “want” in a material sense, and then are asked at New Years what we are resolved to committing to in order to get rid if other wants. It’s a time when we are face to face with the exchange between us all. We can face it with anxiety, with hope, with love or peace, but time an time again we are thrown back into the wanting.
Starting seven years ago every Christmas what I really wanted was a miracle. I wanted the Spirit to fix a wound that hurt us all in my family. I wanted this more than any present imaginable. I asked every year for this miracle and not only around Christmas and yesterday it happened.
Wrapped nicely in a 3 word text, “He did it” the Christmas gift I have asked for with my heart and soul came just a few days early.
It’s hard to describe the fulfillment one has after a seven year wait, but to be perfectly honest the gift came a while ago. The gift came when I became peaceful with the wanting. This year I did not pray and plead for this gift. While my desire for goodwill, health and all good things for my family is still very much with me, I am comfortable with it. God heard my prayers. He got the request from me the very first time my heart ached for it and I asked for it. It was coming, it has come. It’s just on His time. It was this Christmas that was meant to get this gift of fulfillment. The six before have us other important things- patience, faith, a recognition of love, joy in the unseen, detachment of the material, strength in family, release of wanting. I can see so clearly now how it was these other gifts with this year’s answered prayer that constitutes my Divine wealth- that which is unshakable despite circumstances and appearances. It is with these gifts that I have been truly blessed and been given things I didn’t even know I needed much more than my own prayers. This is the Christmas miracle- not that my prayer was answered- they always are- but in the mist of our many year long dialogue I was given Life.

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In Advent this is the week dedicated to Joy. A whole week where we consciously, prayerfully and merrily seek to find the bliss of being alive- fully alive. Yet I know pastors everywhere struggled to incorporate such joy with the sorrows of the news as we all did ourselves. How can you live in both […]

The Balance of When to Let Go

I was an English Major. This was an excellent choice of study, except I had not mastered one thing yet that would have made my life tremendously easier – when to let go. I suffered from the problem of never feeling a paper was complete. Essays could always be tweaked. I believed that I could never fully be ready to hand something in. While I can see this belief stemmed from self doubt, I set up systems too that didn’t support completion. I procrastinated and waited till right before the paper was due because I had made the task so ominous that I had no desire to finish or start early. If there is no chance of completion, then we often delay starting.
Since then I have learned not only how to chunk processes into bite size and doable steps- even writing papers, but I have embraced the fact that when I come to the end of my abilities that is when the Divine takes over. As it turns out any and all tasks are not only up to me. I have a partner in God. Yet just like any other group project, I have to bring my best and offer it to have the other team members play to their best. I can see very clearly as I have grown more organized and more aware of God’s presence that my job is to do my absolute best- to follow through on every idea I have that seems good, to exhaust my resources, my intelligence, my planning and come to the end of my abilities. Then it is my job to let it go. While we can all expect more from ourselves there is a fine line of being too demanding and therefore never allowing ourselves the satisfaction or joy of accomplishment. It is ego that tells us it is all on our shoulders and causes us to forget we are intimately and forever paired with the Divine. Give yourself a fighting chance of producing your best work and know that there will be many more opportunities to try again. None of us are expected to be perfect, at the beginning or the end, but we will get better at doing our job and then letting go, allowing the work to go through the refining fires of God’s grace.

Happy Thoughts

Chocolate Covered Pretzels

Your favorite mug

Learning to let go.

“Charge Forward! Be willing to make mistakes.”

Being Jolly

The generosity of others

Christmas time being a time you get fun mail

Recognizing old patterns and seeing how you have changed

Sometimes just wanting to fight

The infinite and immaculate organizing power of the Universe

Talking texts

Being useful

Cleaning something up! – a work situation, your home, your finances, your life

Peacocks and Peahens = Peafowl

Furry Slippers

Clean white sheets

The ritual of spritzing your perfume every morning

Dry brushing

Being brought a cup of tea before you are even out of bed

Deserted college towns after finals

Asking for guidance on a gift then having the perfect idea pop into your head

Meditations where you bring loved ones into your heart

Clothing swaps

Going forward into things even though you feel awkward

Delighting in the company of others

Singing at the top of your lungs

Knowing someone so well that you can tell what they are feeling or thinking through their breath

How Christmas comes to your doorsteps these days

The bus driver knowing who you are

Taking action to not use chemicals

Good customer service

A turn of events

 

 

The Spiritual Sounding Board

I consider myself very blessed. One of my greatest blessings is to have a best friend whose standards of life and joy and personal conduct are so truthfully aligned that you can literally not bring anything to her that is not your highest and best. It’s not as if she judges you at all. It’s more that somehow she sees you and life clearer. She sees and expects what you could be and doesn’t waste her time with the junk or the clutter or the muddled. It’s always been very clear to me this Divine Quality she has. It is like a spiritual sounding board- you just can’t lie to her like you can yourself. It’s a friendship where there is no room for excuses.
It is truly a rare and special gift to have this person in your life. Just their presence seen or unseen lifts you up to the next level. Their perspective, unblurred from their distance, offers the honest and true advise that is usually the missing link in getting yourself to the next level.
Thank you Life for such a friend.

Authentic Steps towards your Authentic Self

Almost everything feels awkward at first try. Yet when you are walking on the path of your Divine Life, despite this awkwardness, there is a Divine excitement that permeates the entire experience. While it can be hard to articulate, its undeniable. Whether it is the first kiss with a true love, the first day at a new job, or the first experience working with a lifelong pastime, something will click. Yet this doesn’t mean that there won’t be a mistake or many made as we start out on this journey. It’s important for us to accept this imperfection of awkwardness, despite the fact that we are so competent in so many things in life. Just because we have already mastered walking, doesn’t mean that there aren’t experiences in our life where we must learn to crawl again. I think it all boils down to a simple, yet not often asked question. Are you willing to make mistakes for God? Are you willing to look like a fool in pursuit of your Life’s passion? Are you willing to risk shattering the ego? Are you willing to walk in a new way? Cracks are needed for the seed to break through. Mistakes are a necessity to growth. Even when you begin down the path that you are certain is the right one for you – in your career, in love, in service – accept the fact that just because it is Divinely oriented, doesn’t mean that our humanness won’t make a mess sometimes. The Divine has the capability to clean anything up, yet, what we consider a “mess” might simply be God using every tool possible to help us grow. There is a reason we use the metaphor of being “children of God”, because in this journey, we are learning yet again how to model ourselves after the Divine. There will be falls. There will be tears. But just as the Divine can use situations and others to redirect us or push us down before we learn something the wrong way, it also has access to the billions of arms of others to help us back up. Becoming confident in our new steps walking on the Divine path will take time. Remember that. But with each one you are closer and closer to your Highest Self. There will be a time when you have mastered walking with God, and you will find yourself not only running, but dancing and flying through your beautiful life.

Distance for Peace

Have you ever had a week that so busy you didn’t know you could do so much? A week where at the end you try to catch your breath after the sprint, to find yourself running, not knowing how to stop. The holidays can do this. End of the year reports and things to complete. Exams. Gifting. Parties. Decorating. Travel. It’s all very wonderful, but it is also all very condensed. I can feel this in my mind. It’s like the space that used to be in there that allowed me to come and visit, play, dance in its expanse had been taken over by a “to do list”. There is nothing wrong with lists. I Love them! But there is something amiss when the list controls me, not me the list. It’s a very fine line of what motivates me. “Having” to do something makes a task, or even the season, taste bitter. Yet pausing. Breathing. Looking at the lights that fill the trees and my life can reset me and you. I realize that the God who designed so perfectly entire universes can put into perfect orbit your life, no matter how many planets you have surrounding you. (A perfect analogy to go replace “juggling”.) Yet we must look closely at God’s design. Integral, yet commonly missed, is a key ingredient in all perfection and nature – from astronomy to quantum physics to one’s cells. They all must have space. Electrons can do their job because they are in a different orbit. The Earth has its seasons and perfect elements for life because of our distance from the sun. So may we all remember at the time of our life and of the year to maintain the distance and honor the holy whose forces keep everything moving and in its place.

It’s riskier to be yourself but it’s the only way you’ll win

The truth is that the only chance you have at winning anything- especially the the desires of your heart- is by being fully and totally yourself. The gift you can give to the world is a gift because no one else can bring it to creation. Its development, its birth, its distribution is dependent upon nothing but you being you.
The hiccup in this overly simple process is that for you to be you is actually one of the riskiest things we feel we can do. The ego argues that if we are fully ourselves and the world rejects it then we are worthless. It even goes to the extreme of having us think of the death of our dreams and inspiration. It’s ironic that the ego’s argument involves us hoarding our greatest gifts, instead of sharing them. Yet the reality is, as we have discussed before, that the only chance of something surviving and thriving is giving it away. While the ego argues the risks of giving ourselves completely, while it whispers strongly that vulnerability is weakness, Life knows the Truth which is directly opposite. If you aren’t fully yourself, if your gifts to the world aren’t all that you are, then the gifts back from Life won’t be exact matches for your soul. Life gives in direct proportion to your own giving. The risk is not found in being and sharing ourselves fully. The risk lies in not doing so.

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