It’s all ok…
Have you ever had a night or a day when you are just off? It’s as if everything you say comes out incorrectly.
This was me last night. I was at a cocktail party and there were three instances where things were misconstrued, when things I said where complete missteps, when I couldn’t seem to get back on my two rooted feet and simply be safe with what I was talking about. I insulted people. I embarrassed myself. I shared too much.
Luckily, in my case these nights aren’t too often, but I cannot help but see with all these blunders that I have the potential to really mess up some times. Could things I say actually have the effect of hurting someone’s dreams, including my own? Could I be so untactful that I don’t think ahead of what not to say?
The night before Drew and I had a transformational conversation. When we finished I felt we were brought to a new level. We were more aligned than ever before. We were more free. More excited. More in love. I think this is why the day after I fumbled. I had entered new territory. This was unchartered seas, and like a blundering freshman, I excitedly got ahead of myself.
This helped me realize that I am not immune to mistakes – and I mean quality mistakes (the kind you think will end your life – I was saying some things that could have jeopardized our dreams greatly, not intentionally). While I think I tend to dwell in the safe mistakes that I can romanticized and write about as small lessons, I realize that the more we start living, the more risk is involved.
The more you choose to live your greatest life, the greater our perception of our potential failure. The closer and more dedicated you become to your dream, to truly living a life that is thrilling and exhilarating and fun and risky – the greater distance you think you have to fall. It is here that we have a greater fear that if we make a mistake we will actually perish, since this dream is something that we care more about than anything else – it is our secret and greatest identity – that we guard intensely. It is easier to mistakes when you don’t live fully – those don’t matter as much. I don’t care if something that isn’t part of my greatest self fails – but what if this thing that my Soul is telling me to do gets messed up by mistakes I make?
I imagine if I was to talk to a Yogi about this, he would look at me, and say, “Ahh, yes. It is nice to hear you and your loud, very important voice, Ego. But, tell me, Soul. What is the truth that you see?”
Then I would know. The quiet voice inside of me would whisper as gently as a slight summer breeze that relieves the sweltering Southern heat for just a moment -” There is no fail. I, your Soul, am indestructible and brilliant despite anything you externally choose to do. Despite any external situation.”
Anything worth doing is worth failing. We have said that before here. But this is what it means – it means that anything worth doing, brings forth facing the fact that you could fail – and fail in such a way that all of your identify crumbles, even the achievement of your secret greatest desires in life .
But perhaps it is just then,when your identity is lost, that the ashes only nourish the soil for your Soul to truly root down and have a chance to grow in your life.