Be the Lover you wish to have….

by elizabethbrantley

I heard something today that reminded me of this excellent piece of advice that I received about love 6 years ago. The idea is really quite simple…. We must be the lover we wish to have.

There are probably many qualities you want in your love. Gentleness. Acceptance. Playfulness. Joy. Surprise. Appreciation. Passion. How does this translate for you? What do those things look like? Then, how can you be those right now?

I remember when I heard this piece of advice I was incredibly single. There wasn’t even a boy anywhere on the horizon, nevertheless, close to becoming an interest of mine. But I knew I wanted to experience love. That was something I had dreamed about since being a little girl. So what did I do? I worked on becoming the lover that I wanted to have.

I became playful. I would laugh more, enjoy other’s company, play exuberantly with the children in my life! I found fun in the little things, despite what was going on. I danced. I sang in the car. I did exactly the things I would imagine my true love would do.

I practiced self acceptance. Not self-help. Not self-improvement. But true self- acceptance, where I congratulated myself on mistakes at work and examined the ugly corners of my life with a loving eye. I breathed deeply.

I worked on being sexy. Don’t worry- I won’t give details here. But the truth was that somehow I was waiting to find my sexuality after falling in love. But it is within us now and always. It is part of this body and this life, and comes out to play in relationships. Why not begin to befriend it now?

So the question, like I said,  is really quite simple. What are the qualities that excite you about love? It doesn’t matter if you are in a relationship or not. Be those qualities. Practice those traits right now!

Just thinking about this today radically changed my approach to Drew tonight. I didn’t want to get dragged down by the weight of the world. I want to experience those ideal qualities that I dreamed were associated with love right now. Right here. With him!

So tonight we laughed. We flirted. We high-fived on some “fails” I had. No matter what he does, says, or thinks tonight, I have already experienced that Divine Love that I always thought would be mine and I was able to give it to the one person in the whole world I want to give it to the most.